With a Sharpie, anything’s signable.

Perhaps you’re an NPR listener. That’s all to the good; I won’t judge you. Welcome to my pad.
Now is when I’m meant to sell my book to you. But listen. I ain’t going to lie. A straight shooter, the sort of guy who’ll sling the colloquial ain’t but lacks the glitz needed to follow with gonna, [...]

From news items dated March 25 to April 14:

Beverly Howard,  the 53-year-old former director of dining services for a school district in Connecticut, on April 13 pleaded guilty to embezzling nearly $350,000 from her employer and giving the money to Foxwoods.
The 67-year-old former head of the Lithuanian Club in Waterbury, CT was sentenced April 8 [...]

The key, as I explained to Jay Thomas, is the act:
[Audio clip: view full post to listen]
(Click to play excerpt.)
*
UPDATE: The term ‘mongoloid’ is wildly offensive as an insult in ways I managed to reach age 35 billion without ever learning. So: sorry. I’m leaving the headline unchanged as a reminder of my ignorance.

A reader writes:

I moved to Vegas for employment and started counting on a part time basis. I probably won 35-40K at blackjack the last couple of years. I lost about $100000 playing negative expectation games, mostly high stakes video poker. It’s better than any drug I have ever tried. Well, [...]

Thanks to an experiment carried out by a loyal and boundlessly empirical reader:

The Net Worth Tracker has updated itself automatically, of course.

Yes: I’ve published a book about God and Reality. That’s a generous feat and I’m proud of it. On a superficial level, Repeat Until Rich: A Professional Card Counter’s Chronicle of the Blackjack Wars has to do with gambling, professional and otherwise, or I’m told that it does, and I’m not one to quibble.
Inconveniently, between [...]

A reprise of a longtime favorite. You’re not supposed to handle casino security thusly (right?):